Does anyone have any suggestions as to what format the intro paragraph for any essay in free-response should be?
First of all, where's the best point to incorporate a thesis statement? Should I get right to the point and open up the essay with the thesis as my 1st sentence? Or maybe stick it at the very end of that intro paragraph?
Another thing is, I'd like to know what are the satisfactory min. and max. numbers of sentences to have in the first paragraph. For example, would only 3 sentences look good, or should I go for the standard 5?
:)

For the AP test, keep in mind that you have a very limited amount of time to write the essays. The judges are also aware of this, and won't be expecting a terribly elaborate intro, so don't waste your time with more than 3 or 4 sentences max.

As far as construction, I would try to avoid just blurting out your thesis and jumping right into the essay - that will make it feel a bit choppy. Try to have at least one sentence to lead into the thesis statement, but like I said earlier, don't bother trying to make some huge intricate introduction.

I hope that helps. :)

yeah i have trouble writing a "smashing" intro and i always spend waaay too much time on that. even in english, once i get past the first paragraph and the cool word choice we are expected to incorporate, then i am good but it takes me forever; so i need help on the formulation as well. um, also, should we try to incorporate big words or no? what are the main do's and don'ts of an FRQ or DBQ?

Well, a few things - try to avoid getting too wordy for any writing that you do. I mean, it's nice to see that you have a large vocabulary, but showing off the whole thing at once can come off as somewhat pretentious.

Also, when writing for the AP test, don't even bother trying to write in that style. Don't dumb it down too much, but remember that you simply do not have enough time to worry about crafting every single paragraph like that. You have to get all your ideas down on paper in a coherent manner, and only then should you worry about trying to clean it up and polish it. The graders aren't going to be looking for whoever can cram the most 6-syllable words or fancy adjectives into a paragraph, they're looking for someone who can convey the most information in the clearest and most effective way.

I completely agree, dimmick. I think that the best thinker is not he/she who can wow his/her audience with their elevated language; rather, the best thinker is he/she who can take even the most complex idea(s) and present them in a concise (yet intelligent) manner.

Okay our school teaches a slightly different writing style for the APUSH test and it has garnered a hell of a lot of 4's and an impressive number of 5's using this method (somehow our school does "good" on standardized testing even though I find most of the students to be morons).

We are to stress heavily on the intro. That and the 2nd paragraph are the only two that truly matter (if using this method). The introductory paragraph should have an extremely clear thesis and be PACKED with information, outside sources, and documents if it's a DBQ. The second paragraph should continue the information onslaught. While doing this, keep in mind that while the graders are looking for information like it's their job (which it is) they are also looking for analysis. So make sure to actually analyze the information you present. The following paragraphs lose importance as more are written, with the conclusion being of minimal significance.


Remember: The graders only have a couple of minutes max to read your essay, they're looking for the things that jump out like names and events. Outside sources also make them go crazy. They are not looking for fancy writing; they're not even looking for GOOD writing. So long as it is comprehensible and legible, all they want is information with a side of analysis. It's sad that analysis is not stressed as heavily, but they have no choice. Normally, I would not condone such an extreme method, but it has been proven to work for years at our school.

That's how we were taught as well.

According to our school, the intro should consist of 4 parts:

1.) An attention-getter
2.) A link (clever but to the point)
3.) A "Preview" of the paper (not a "laundry list," but info info info!!!)
4.) Your thesis

Essentially, your intro. should be compelling (STILL NOT WORDY!), yet it needs to have all of the info. in it because of that infamous "2 minutes" it takes to grade each essay @ the grading conventions....

Take it or leave it (I tend to leave it :rolleyes: ), but as Cloaked said, it's a proven method.

What do you mean by a link?

Yeah... sorry bout that

Something to link the attention-getter to the "meat" of the essay (& to establish the tone of your paper)

Oh okay. Our school doesn't really stress attention-getters for this specific test because of what the test graders (according to our school) look for. And that is facts, thesis, facts, facts, some analysis, facts, facts, analysis. I'm not going to pretend I know which would be better though. It's not like it's that big of a deal.

constructive criticism is just what i needed
if you ask me, somewhat quoting cloaked (i believe that's who it was), a number of the students at my school are complete dim wits and so anything better than what they do is just soooo great! it gets annoying and i really tire of the over-excitement about my (insert any assignment here). i always ask my english/apush teachers (mainly) to read through something b/c i don't think it sounds right, or well enough, etc. and they might add ONE comment but other than that they say, "this is great".... ugh....
am being cheated out of something?

one more thing: cloaked, if you say "Our school doesn't really stress attention-getters for this specific test because of what the test graders (according to our school) look for. And that is facts, thesis, facts, facts, some analysis, facts, facts, analysis," then does that mean that the ppl who are really good at b.s.-ing won't do good on the exam by just making things sound flowery and informative without really saying anything??

**ps. the big vocabulary is stressed by my english teacher

You hit the gopher on the tail with that one, Shannok. Or however it goes.

thank goodness! that comes as a relief. Here i am trying to absorb everything to make things informative and the kid next to me is just writing away, making up things as he goes and...i don't mean to denounce my teacher or anything because i love her (she's great)...then he turns his in and gets a 19/20 and i got a 16/20 (on the grading scale my teacher uses, which as you can see...total possible being 20...does not follow the AP exam scale)....ughh!
so, what i get out of your reply is that my teacher definitely grades and assesses it differently than the AP graders...?

According to what you're saying, yes.

:D whew!

We are to stress heavily on the intro. That and the 2nd paragraph are the only two that truly matter (if using this method). The introductory paragraph should have an extremely clear thesis and be PACKED with information, outside sources, and documents if it's a DBQ. >>>

I was a grader for AP US. It is not a good idea to cite documents in your opening paragraph.
You don't need an introduction. Usually the intro is something obvious, like "The Civil War was a violent time. " DUH. Just cut to the thesis. The best include the word "although." It forces you to qualify your response, and also quantify, esp when you are comparing effectiveness of policy.

<<<Remember: The graders only have a couple of minutes max to read your essay, they're looking for the things that jump out like names and events. >>>

We get a list. Items every essay should have, items that better ones will include, and also distractor items that show up, but shouldn't.

<<Outside sources also make them go crazy. They are not looking for fancy writing; they're not even looking for GOOD writing. >>>

Outside sources are fine, as long as they are not obscure. You can mention" The Jungle " in your Progressive essay, even if it's not among the documents.
Do not quote from them directly.
Outside information counts for HALF of your score, so the more the better.

<< They are not looking for fancy writing; they're not even looking for GOOD writing. So long as it is comprehensible and legible, all they want is information with a side of analysis. It's sad that analysis is not stressed as heavily, but they have no choice. >>>

Clean, concise writing. Analysis IS stressed. No analysis, then you are down in the 5 range. A "side" won't get you a 7, and to pass that test, you need to be able to write a 7. With your eyes closed :)

Oh yeah by intro I only meant first paragraph, not an actual introduction. I suppose by analysis I meant really reading into it and relating it to what happened after it and what happened before it even if the prompt does ask for that (My APUSH I teacher was a "big picture" kind of guy and always liked when we stretched our essays to encompass more than just what it asked. It helped a LOT with my history writing, but it's not really what we do this year in preparation for the test). I don't know if I'm really explaining myself well enough, but it's not really relevant.



Regardless, that was extremely helpful, thanks a lot! If you have any other advice I'm (we're) all ears.

Do you happen to recall any examples of items on a distraction list?

The distractors tend to be items outside the time period, or things with similar names, like TR's Good Neighbor policy vs FDR's Good Neighbor policy. The Dawes Act or the Dawes Plan.

For example. the 2003 DBQ: "In what waysdid the developments in transportation bring about economic and social change in the US in the period 1820-1860?"

The DEVELOPMENTS can include items out of the time period, but the CHANGES can't. It can span from unpaved roads to paved (1790s), through western trails, immigration, Gold Rush migration--- to canals, steamboats, railroads and the pony Express.

HOWEVER, the Transcontinental RR is out of the period, as well as the influence of PLains RR on the Indians, Gilded Age stuff like bicycles, Henry Ford, steel rails, electric trolleys. Your conclusion can't say how it all led to the airplane, either.

This is not secret info, BTW. AP teachers get all of this at their trainings, and are free to work with the released Questions. Every year, the DBQs from the previous year are released, with full rubric standards.

The big picture is for your thesis and conclusion. The essay itself is graded on specifics, and if you go ahead of the time period, you get graded down, so you don't want to do that.
You can use info from before the time period as an intro, to set up your thesis, and that is a very effective tool.

Even if you (generic you, not you personally) don't pass the AP exam, I guarantee you that technical, non-fic writing will be easy as pie after a well-taught AP US course. Your teacher has helped you enormously.

Thank you for all this information Meow and Cloaked. My Ap teacher has never mentioned any of this to us and I'm really lucky I found this site. I have for a long time suspected he hasn't been grading my essays like they should be(I started out the year with a 9 on my first DBQ and haven't broken the record since). I am a lot farther ahead than the rest of the class with writing but still, I haven't been told close to a fraction of what I've learned tonight. Is there any way I can get this information seeing as how my teacher does not know anything? I have asked him and he still says he is telling us all he knows. All we do is take notes in the class and read a few outside books like "The Jungle" and "Undaunted Courage".

As historically significant as those books are, they really aren't proper preparation for the AP exam. Of course, it is important to teach about them, but there simply isn't enough time to spend it reading books that aren't completely necessary.

No one in any of my classes has ever earned a 9 on a DBQ--not in class, anyway. Some will get a 9 on the FRQs, but never before Thanksgiving. When you see what a 9 really is, it's pretty intimidating. I don't know if I could just sit and write one!
I spend days and days on writing, and they have to rewrite their first essay, about the Salem Witch Trials, over and over until it's a 7.

Has your teacher even given you the general rubric the CB uses for grading essays?
If not, go to the AP website and start digging. If you can't find it, let me know and I'll post both FRQ and DBQ.
I hope your teacher is now timing you, for tests and essays. PLease say he is.

that would be of great help to many if you could post the rubrics for the DBQ and the FRQ. thanks

*my teacher times us but we get near 45 minutes for one FRQ*

Standard 9 pt rubric for essays, including FRQs:

The low end of each group (8, 5 or 2) represents partial fulfillment of each level, 2 or 3 items are done well.

8-9 -Clear, well developed thesis
- Understands the complexity of the question
- Analyzes more than describes, analysis is effective
- Supports thesis with relevent, logical info
- Addresses all aspects of the prompt
- May contain minor errors

5-7 -Contains clear thesis with limited development
- Does not understand the complexity of the question (may be aware of it)
- Analysis is limited, mostly describes
- Supports thesis with factual information, acceptable oragnization
- May not be balanced in dealing with all aspects of the prompt
- May contain errors, but they do not seriously detract from the essay

2-4 - Lacks a thesis, or simply restates echoes the question- or, thesis is vague, confused, unfocused or undeveloped
- Lacks supporting information, or the info is superficial or unrelated
- Simplistic approach to content; unaware of the complexity of the question
- May dwell on one aspect of the prompt
- Vague, generalies
- May contain major errors

1 - Incompetent response, lacks content
- Lacks thesis---may restate or paraphrase the question with no discussion
- Shows little or no understanding of the prompt

0 - Writes the question only (or nothing)
- Inappropriate remark, e.g. drawing a dollar bill with wings with the comment "kiss this money goodbye"

More essay stuff---- I really really hope you have all been given guidelines similar to these. If not, well, here you go:

1. Address EVERY aspect of the prompt

2. Stick to the time period given

3. Only one "I believe" or "In my opinion" allowed, and only if they ask.

4. NO DRAMA ( "From the dawn of time, mankind has struggled to...")

5. No personal judgment regarding the people, the era or the events, including their relative intelligence or attractiveness. When they ask, "in your judgment," they want to you to take a side on an ISSUE. THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT!!!!

6. No advice on how we "can all learn from this", or "hopefully in the future, we won't be as dumb as they were." We won't learn, and we will be just as dumb, if not dumber. This is WEAK. Your conclusion should mirror your thesis.

7. Do not conclude with "We'll never know." Even if we'll never know.

8. No vagueness ("Many things happened in the Depression") Avoid "thing" in general. Be specific.

9. No obviousness ("The Civil War was a very violent time") REALLY?! A war, violent? NO WAY!

10. Your thesis MUST TAKE A SIDE, even in a comparison question. Use "more" and "most" for those.

11. Acknowledge the other side--it's a viable idea, but YOURS IS BEST. Use the word "Although" in your thesis whenever you can.

12. No speculation without evidence *("They were all corrupt")

this is great! i shared it with my teacher, along with the fact that you are a former AP grader and that this is not confidential information. she is planning to incorporate it into a discussion within the next few days.

I'm glad I could help! :D Most of them are just good writing practices for all subjects, except for creative writing.
Good creative writers struggle the most, in my experience. They want to create a mood, a tone, a setting, and that is the opposite of what they should be doing for a timed, technical non-fic essay! poor babies, when they get their first essay back (topic: Salem Witch trials) they have 4s. Their whole lives they have been the good writers of their classes, and now they have to learn something entirely new.