There are SO MANY great lines in PN....

"Are my eyes dreaming Jerry or have you got 2 of my builders singing acapulco"

"I lost most of my hair worrying about yours"

"You are the wind beneath my wheels"

"We wanna celebrate Jerry's all clear with you..."

"I'll be in the office shaking off a migraine - sorry brain tumour!"

"It's Jerry the Berry Perry.."

"what dya do jerry?
Im a compere brian
No you daft t***, with women techniques manouveres?
Surely you and jean must have.......
Oh aye once or twice but im not a machine"

"I'm stood here looking like a HERNIA dressed like a gay satan."

"Come and get your black bin bags"

"even buckingham palace eats corn beef"

"sick animals laughing at death, 3 o clock in the pissing morning" :lol:

"STRANRAR?"

"YOUR KILLING ME!"

"hear you i can see you yer D***"

"oooo my angina"

Le beer le dickhead

Partick can you here me now?
Yeah
Hang on. Can you hear me now?
Hear You? I can see you, you dick
Can you hear me now?Yeah, you'll have to go further away than that - they're dear these you know
Can you hear me now?..... THEN LATER
Can you hear me now Paddy? Can you hear me now?
Yeah where are you?
I'm here, Look! I'm on the bus. Hey look I'm on the bus, hooray. Look I'm on the bus Hooray!

Shut up you girl !

What about Tommy Dickfingers !

Whats that?
Baking tray
Is it bullet proof?
It's non stick

NON STICK!!! lol !!!!!!!!!!!

It's what all the top doormen wear these days!! Didnt ya know that !!

"Oy Mandy Dingle, tell Potter we're off.."

Garlic Bread - it's the future I've tasted it
I thought children were the future
Shuddup - I'm on a roll

It's a family fun day - we cant have kiddies jumping up and down on a... love length

Lol wrong way round!


It was:

Garlic bread is the future.I've tasted it.
*A few seconds later*
We've gotta make it a place for the kids.Children are the future.
Les:I though garlic bread was the future?
Potter:Shut up Lesley I'm on a roll!

OOOpps !! Ahh you knew what I meant !! lol

*Must try harder next time*

Brian: What's that on your arm?
Jerry: It's a copper bracelet, it aids fitness & mobility
Brian: Does it? I'd better get 2 for my legs

Jerry: You could have killed somebody
Brian: AAH Could've, would've, should've.

Max: Whats that?
Paddy: a cup of tea
Max: Who made it?
Paddy: Me!
Max: Did you leave the room?
Paddy:L I had a piss while the kettle boiled.
Max pours it away
Paddy: What are you doing?
Max: It could have been poisoned man!

Max: On its not fair Paddy. If only I'd met the right woman
Paddy:If only you'd met A woman!

:D :D :D :D

Eight GRAND !!!

"Shine a light, what were that!"

"Sweet baby Jesus and the orphans!"

Max: Here feast your eyes on this.
Paddy: What on earth is that?
Max: That Paddy, is a German Broomhandled Mowser.
Paddy: It's an antique that's what it is!
Max: Hey! My Grandfather gave me this when I was a kid. He shot a German with it.
Paddy: Was that in the Second World War?
Max: No, it were in Benidorm. He had a fight over a sunlounger.

"They havent been this excited since they gave out the adress of that paedophile"

Max : 'Then she turns to me....nd says.....my love........................................walking on the moon! Walking On The Moon!'

Paddy : 'She could breast feed a cresh'

Ray-Von : 'The louder u scream the faster the ride! Keep seated at all times or u may die! SHABBA!

GERRY : "Thursdays quiz night - it always has been. Thursdays quiz night; Wednesday Free and Easy Night. You cant go rearranging days"

BRIAN : "I can do what we want it's your club"

JERRY: Right! come here, son I'm Jerry St Clair, I'm the licensee

SPENCER : All right

JERRY : Sit down there, Spencer isn't it?

SPENCER : That's right

JERRY : I never forget a face

SPENCER : Spencer for hire - and may I suggest you remove the "situation vacant" sign in the window and repalce it with one that reads "situation full" I'm your man.

JERRY : Right good. tell Spencer, have you had any previous experience with bar work?

SPENCER : Oh, yes. You name it. Not only have I seen the film Cocktail six times, I also was an innkeeper

JERRY : Really ?

SPENCER : Yes

JERRY : Where was that ?

SPENCER : In Bethlehem. Er in St Peter and Paul's groundbreaking production of THE Nativity. Not only did I give Mary and Joseph room at the the inn, I also offered them en suite with full English and a lovely view of Galilee.

JERRY : Galilee

SPENCER : Yeh

GERRY : Right

:D

my favourite lines are

'never mind yer shoe'

'put me tape in'

'how far away are they'

'word has it your back on the prowl'

'never mind that smell'

fave quote

"you'll be in the toilets next snorting cecil"

"charlie"

"what?"

"you mean charlie"

"i don't know lesley i've never met the man"

LMAO :lol:

'what door do u want me on tonight?'

'sod off'



'can you hear me now?'

'Yeah where are ya'

here look i'm on the bus, i'm on the bus, wayyyyyy look i'm on the busss wayyyyy!

lol :lol:

"Im gettin the word.................nonce"

:lol:

Get back you Barstard or I'll break your legs

You and the rest of the bloody Village People, get in!

"she could breast feed a crech"

"i wanna moonwalk son but lifes a Sh*t house"

"some queers burn me club down jerry"

there all classics.....the second one is my sms message alert B)

I like that bit :lol:

i've just sat down :P

"Whos that, The Fonz?"

"Prostitutes are dead rough in Amsterdam. Last one I went wi, made me wash me old man in't sink"...........
"You took your dad?"

"Christ, if I'd been on the ball, I'd have worn overalls and driven it out the showroom"

"No queer or lezzie stuff...we don't go there"

"Oi, toilet mouth, theres a childs bike outside"

"My mate used to have a jacuzzi in his"
"Did he....Just the one?"

"I'm very friendly with the SAS"
"But you see, you're not Kenny!"

"He made me waych Leon 4 times last night him"

"All I got was a space hopper...and that burst."
"I know....I shot it."

"You didn't have any problems with our Terry when you blew his back leg off!"

"And tell Alan if he dosn't get his arse here quick he'll be playing his organ down the bloody job club"

:lol:
Lisa
xxx

that dodgy dealer bloke (cant remember his name): its not what it looks like!!
brian potter: its not what it looks like? its a 20foot c*ck and balls man, it dont look like nothin else!!


'can we not disguise it?'
'yeah yeah we can, we'll put a wooly hat on it and say its you!'

"What's your name, son?"
"Stu."
"Stu? Short for STUPID?!"

"There you are Paddy, assorted colours?"
"Who else have you told, big mouth?!"
"I haven't told anyone. They've got eyes, they can see your problem."

"Priests?!"
"Yeah. Have you never seen the cannonball run? Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jr."
"Which one am I?"
"Never mind which one y'are, just shift your porn mag!"

Classics! There are others but I can't remember which ones off hand.