a few things now bother me: my dad just died, i'm gonna lose my wisdom teeth, and i am downright confused.

first: my dad died a few days ago, and for some reason, i am not crying. maybe it's because he abused me or because i never really knew him, and it feels wrong to not cry for him.

he fell into a fire pit on friday and died on tuesday because he wasn't stable

second: i am going to lose my wisdom teeth in november. i would have already had them out but i chickened out when i learned that i would not be unconscious for it



some help would be nice

First, with the wisdom tooth. While you won't be out, they will numb the area ("Local Annastehia" as they call it) and perscribe pin meds.

Second, its okay about feeling bad/confused about not feeling worse. No one should fault you if they know your history. As long as you don't act like jerk (laughing at the furneral, dancing on the grave, etc) you should be fine, and would be rather big and mature of you to pay proper respects dispite your history.

Agreed.

Wisdom teeth: Don't worry, had the same thing on mine. in fact, they had to shatter all four and pull them out while I was fully conscious. Never felt a thing until later on when I got home and took the gauze out... there was a 1 second backlash of pain from releasing the pressure on them. Also, that night or the next, one of my friends paid a 3AM call on me trying to find out where another friend lived. While I was groggily trying to think to give him directions (was in a dead sleep) he grabbed either side of my face and shook saying 'wake up, think'

I just stopped, gave him the eat shit and die look and said, "Wisdom Teeth." at which point he remembered... I then excused myself so I could go spit some blood...

At any rate, even then, the pain only was very short lived and not that bad. Now, results may vary, but most likely the biggest thing you'll feel while in the chair is... bored. and you're jaw will get a little tired.




Now, for the Father. I actually have one of my girls that went through very similar circumstances recently. While she was not directly abused persay, she was pretty much neglected by her Father for most of her recent life. He died this past year, and she went through a long period of confusion not knowing whether to be sad, angry, or what. For several months she was very angry at everyone, with a very short temper (and she in general is a very good and kind person) with time, she started to com through it, though she still has times when she has regrets and bouts of sadness (it's only been a few months though, she's been surprisingly resilient)

My point is, as X said, it's not unusual and you should not feel bad about the feelings you're going through right now. She actually even did go to councelling for a few months (kinda against her will) but it helped. You may want to think about that too, as gross as it sounds, it gives you someone to talk to that won't be judgmental.

I may see if I can find some of the stuff I (an her best friend) read during that period and post it here Mondayish. Stuff on depression and anxiety, etc.

Keep strong, don't be afraid of feeling sad, and don't be afraid of being confused. We're here fr you to vent to if you need to!

As far as the wisdom teeth thing goes, I can't say a damn thing.

As far as your father goes, I can't think of anything to say that wouldn't turn into a rant. I gotta agree with Roady, if you need to vent, we're here. Just please,if you feel you need to, talk to a psychiatrist, or even a psychologist. That's what they're here for.

Mousette - (teacher's hat on) You'll know when it's time to grieve, and the right way for you to grieve. You will come to terms with what's happened, in time.

And they're right too, if you need to jsut let off steam - rant here. We'll listen, well read.
If you think other, darker thoughts, then that's time for other help, from the folks with a "phd" after their names, and confidentiality agreements, and a priest, if you're that way inclined.

As always, my thoughts are with you. We are all here for you.

1) Your confusion is just as natural as any grief might be if he had been a caring, awesome father. He caused pain, but was still your father. As said above, don't bring yourself down to the level of being a jerk, but don't feel guilty over your lack of feeling. In the sad state of this world, your experiences have produced this lack of feeling in you, and it is a natural response. Your choices, not your feelings, make you who you are.

2) With regard to the teeth, you'll be okay. Just remember how nice it will be to have it over and done with once it's taken care of at last. Some temporary pain for a long-term solution.

thank you so much guys, i am grateful for for your advice


on a lighter note, i want to get a copy of castlevania: symphony of the night, and i have no idea where to find it. could i find it on amazon.com? i don't want to go to ebay

Greetings,

a lot of good advice here. I know everyones Wisdom teeth experience will be different, but if you have good dentist as most do, no need to worry. I had all 4 taken out fully conscious. There was no pain at the time, just a lot of soreness for a few days. Look at it this way, you get to eat all the ice cream & milkshakes you want for the next few days ;) Oh btw... I still have my wisdom teeth in a small box. Interestingly my wife is the only other person I know who did the same thing, and that was before I knew her.

As for your Dad, You have my deepest condolences. We are all imperfect humans and our personal feelings should not be judged by others, you will come to terms when the time is right for you. Also I dont know your beliefs in "God" are if any, but I can offer this as merely a thought to share, not trying to be preachy, just comforting" Revelation 21:4-" And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away.”

As for Castlevania, if you dont want to go the eBay route, check out GameStop, or any local used VideoGame store in your area

I really don't have anything to add to this discussion, aside from echoing Compy's sentiments. I can't pretend to understand what you are going through as I have not lived anything close to your life. You have my support.

Y'know.. I was actually eating Roast Beef that night when I got home... (completely AGAINST dentist orders) I never went the ice-cream-pudding route...

For the wisdom teeth, I'm part of that 1% population that got complications, and I will not elaborate, since I do not want to scare Mousette. But you gotta do it, and it will be fine. Besides, it is like a rite of passage, you are in a way officially and adult. :D

As for the mourning part, each person mourns differently. There is no wrong way or bad way, you feel what you feel, as long as you do not do anything inappropriate that would hurt some other members of the family. I remember, when I my grandfather died (we were very close), I had trouble dealing with it, basically at that time, I was in a depression. When I got out of it, then I felt it... and took me several month to come to terms with it. One of my friends lost her father a few days before Christmas, and her way was to mourn privately, even if her closest friends where not allowed within her bubble of mourning.

We feel emotions on a lot of situations, but it doesn't mean we all have to feel the same. Do not stress yourself on how you must "feel" inside, as long as you "act" towards others respectfully.

Just don't hold yourself to someone else's notion of how you should feel. That's obsurd. I agree with Prisma-chan, Just be respectful, even if it is more than you feel the departed deserves. It makes you a bigger person.