Your last name stays put.

You couldn't care less if someone notices your new haircut or not.

Wrinkles-add character.

Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.

If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

One mood, ALL the time.

You can go to a public restroom all by yourself.

You don't mooch off other's desserts.

If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

You don't have to shave below your neck.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in minutes.